I'm gonna let go

I haven't blogged for 5months. You might not believe it but i forgot i have a blog. Some of my entries are really funny its a record of memorable times that i have had in my life - i don't recall those at all at this moment of my life.

It has also been about 5months that i broke up with Mike. I can't believe it - its been that long. Memories with him has been washed out a little, no doubt what i have with him has been beautiful and seem almost always indelible. But i wanna move on. I wanna see life in another light -I don't want Mike to be a hindrance for my liking of somebody else.

I recall the days when I would wake up with flashbacks of our everydays together. Initally I would tear and feel much pain cos i really want you to be around. I like being with you Mike - I was contented and happy. We were at Doylestown, King of Prussia, Philly, Georgia, N.&S. Carolina, Florida and NYC. I love playing the fresbie with you and you said you love to watch me smile and laugh; and that you would be that clown just to make me laugh. I was that little girl happy to make you food that you always never seem to not enjoy. Ben likes it too and I'm happy too. I enjoyed watching you make sumptious food for me (always ends with a dessert). Your cooking I don't miss that much except for your french toast. You used an incredible number of eggs but they taste excellent.

You taught me how to bowl and the last time i bowl excellent for a girl. The first time at a bowling alley you bought me a huge ice-cream at Cold Stone Creamery. It wasn't so much about that incredible ice-cream but that everything was light and funny and anything else fuzzy.

Halloween was cold but i had a sexy outfit - someone took our picture and cut off your head cos he was trying to take my boobs but you got too tall. Thanksgiving was the first time your brought me back home - you talked about football. I had fun with Ben and you on the ride there and back. I missed Christmas but Easter Day was fun - i painted Easter Eggs and saw Ben found Easter Chocolates at home. When your step mum, Rebecca got back she made some delicious, elegant cakes and foods. Your Dad couldn't stop talking and showing pictures of the trip they had. I gave Rebecca some pineapple tarts. I liked Rebecca I really want to spend some quality time with her i thought. I liked your mum even more, cos she knows you so well and treats you like a baby. I kinda feel we were on common ground cos' we both know how messy and disorganised you can get. We both laughed at you but we both loved you.

I have not met your boss but i have met some of your friends. When the 4 of us hang out, i love it when we exchanged looks just to smile at each other lovingly. You love that i respect you and I felt that you loved me.

I can't forget when you brought out the diamond necklace at Florida Disneyworld at the Italy world and tell me to stay with you. You have such a bad memory at everything - i didn't think you would remember to buy me the necklace. And to surprise me with it I was really touched and impressed with you. You then brought me over to the France world and bought me red wine and told me how your mum would buy you the same wine during that particular season only.

The time that I really got to know you was when we were apart. We had our almost daily phonecalls where we will update each other about our lives. You were in US I was in Singapore but we talked with you still being loving toward me. One time, you called me urgently cos you felt you couldn't breathe and had to go hospital. I tried to be there for you - sorry it got a little late.

I'm sorry i flew back to US and had you make a plan for us. I'm sorry I started throwing tantrums and had Ben side with me. I'm sorry I hated it when you smoke - you didn't used to smoke in front of me. I'm sorry I needed you to be there all the time when you had to work and do your online course too. I'm sorry I had to get back Singapore really quickly thereafter to start on my career. I'm sorry I have to be in Indonesia with bad reception. I'm sorry I knew this will happen but I had chose to start a relationship with you. I had loved you but all this has ended.

You were honest to me in this relationship. It was priceless, heartfelt and almost perfect. Once or twice, we had cold-wars. I had fun I had love and happiness but this is not everything. you are a worrisome baby. I hope everything would fall in place for you. I really want to tell you in person but i can't. Don't waste yourself. I'm not going to dwell anymore in the past I wanna embrace what is to come. And i'm going to let you go.

the Atlanta guys are going back

Tom asked if i have alot of feel today. It intensed my emotions for a sec. I tried my best to suppress it. I really dont wanna have tears sprint to the corners of my eyes. Thats so kiddish! But this bunch of americans or rather kids have made my day everyday of my working days this past 3 weeks. Was it merely 3weeks it feels longer. Damn im sad they have to abandon me in batam. All but one Atlanta guy are done with transfering the PUV moulding knowledge from Atlanta, Georgia to the Batam site. And they are going back home today. They often asked me one question: When are you going back to US? ''-_-

Dearest Brad! (He's quite a brat though, almost all the time!)

Roy (my snake-game competitior in our hp) & Steven (who's still here and from PharmEng too.

Jarred (who always attempt to be a nice brother to me...but then..-He's also known as the Dad/Mum) & the Kenny (also known as the Dad/Mum.)

Robert is still here. Brad might be coming back. So, till then, i'll be mixing with the locals. This Sam who tried to ask me out....heard he's married? *faint

Tired. Of some issues. Is this called being OLD?

update from US

So Mike baby brought me to High Rocks on Sunday and i had a great time. We had breakfast at a grocery store which serves delicious cheese omelet with potatos. Mike had a crossiant. You know the one thing i love about US- the diners-cos i like ALL their breakfasts. Not so much about other meals though-having burgers, pasta and french fries and satisfying your temptations all the time makes you sick. So i hadn't had french fries for many months- i have not start on it; i made dinner for Mike yesterday evening -stir fried snow/snap peas with black bean sauce and herbal chicken with some rice. I hope he really likes it cos pyschologically i feel healthier eating all that - no cheese and minimial oil. opps, as usual I digress to talk about food.



What I wanna share is Birdy brought me to Tohickon Creeks and it was just like the set in Twilight. I was just commenting that he wouldn't know how romantic the plot of Twilight is cos he didn't watch it. I'll upload the pics soon but it was just soooo sooo beautiful. We took a hike with great weather -around 20degrees and went peeping through the holes of the fences looking down at a creek which flows from the Delaware River. Baby said that there used to be Indian tribes hunting in the area but the cruel white people came and took over the area. I saw some groups of people doing rock climbing -trecherous! I mean the mountain's so vertical, there's no slope leading down to the creek. So baby said he'll bring me camping here so we can set up a fire and BBQ mushmellows. I'm so excited. There were some big rocks there too, we lay down on a big rock and took in the crisp clean air. I enjoyed the few seconds laying down quite a bit.



There are some bikers cycling through the hike too. It would require a mountain bike cos' the route's uneven - it has got tree branches or even animals on it. As we hike down to the creek and walked along it i got comfortable and took off my shoes and took a dip in the waters-it felt like ice water. I managed a 3minutes in it stepped up 2 rocks posed for some pictures and ran back to the shore.



What Mike got really excited about was we saw a snake and he held it. I brought a branch to him. He branched down the snake's head and he held up his body. If that snake were poisonous and bit him i would be angry about the silliness of us even picking up the snake. It looked like a copperhead.



It hadn't been that long since i came back to Mike. But he was busy yesterday night doing work- data conversion, and taking care of his snakes. I could feel it was one of these days he had before he calls me.



I was awaiting EDB's reply forever. Think refreshing my yahoo every 15minutes. They said they are reviewing my case. I got a potential job offer in Canada and i'm awainting EDB to defer my bond so i could work there. THANKS darren, jiaying and bestie Weiling and all the rest who had encouraged and prayed for me!! I really really apreciate it now that i've not one but 2 choices. Though this Canada offer is still pending, PharmEng manager offered me a 3 months contract in Singapore starting coming Monday so which means i've to fly back sooon!! Its a very short contract but i've never before offered such a good pay. I was thinking if i would to take up this position what's after 3 months? God what's your plan for me? GMAT? MBA? Jesus has the plan but i really have not seen it yet. So right now i'm just awaiting EDB's reply so i know the future. Thanks to Val too, who has told me to be more confident in my job search (thought i haven't put in too much effort...). Meanwhile i just don't know how i can go on without Mike.

Mike also brought me to his parent's. Which was an amazing amazing house and there was this vampire teeth that you could wear, Birdy wore it and i was terrified. He looked very funny with the teeth on him and he was saying like you like the vampire from Twilight? You like vampires? Besides phobia of heights that make my kness shake i'm really afraid of mascots/cosplays. He actually brought the teeth back home and wore it that night.

So this a long long post i'm at Starbuck's i'm supposed to do GMAT but i'm just too sleepy cos i stayed up with mike last night but i guess i'll go back to it; Victoria's Secret having a discount. Letmme check that out first.

love!

missing you

I miss my PT Cruiser.

I miss US.

(FYI, the ice-cream on the left is mine).

I miss you.. I tried shifting my attention to Jesse Mccartney (so cute!!!) and One Republic (Damn cool!!!)

but I still miss you..

It's very hard dealing with missing you. I'm sorry I've to wine each time we talk, but WHEN ARE WE GOING TO HANG OUT???? Not having you around is a lonely everday..It eats into me every single day. Missing each other's calls is worse. I still don't know how to live my life without you..I wish i could be there! Happy Birthday!!

bad economy

Pfizer's merging with Wyeth, spending 68billion to acquire the latter. The world's top drug maker is worried about its earnings and position staying on top? Although it is still short of 11 billion to match Glaxowellcome merging with Smithkline Bee Cham, it is a big issue. Why is it not when the average Joe has stopped going to the Macdonald's in US, and starting to make it's own burger at home? What about my favorite brand Abercrombie and Fitch, also doing Hollister, having a serious dip in it's sales, and laying off staff? I've never seen American Eagles Outfitter stocks this low ever before since it started around 1993. And these are just brands i used to deal closely with, i have not mentioned the rest.. (i know..i DO shop..)

People have been saying after Chinese New Year, the bosses are going to lay off staff and we will feel WORSE about the economy.

For your information.....i'm unemployed.....

thanks friends for asking me out!

twilight

Pardon me, but like the rest i watched Twilight and simply got drawn into it. Like how on earth could the Cullens stay drinking just animal blood (I bet author Stephanie Meyer watched Interview With the Vampire where you know, Brad Pitt drank animal blood). You see how DAMN COOL Edward is, simply can't imagine him feasting and sucking on rat's blood. Everything is just so crisp clear perfect - the house The Cullens live in, the cars (one red sport car) they own, the father's some DAMN COOL doctor - Carlisle Cullen (Peter Facinelli). WHY on earth is Peter Facinelli blond in the movie? They fly around swiftly and play baseball magically. Edward flies innocent Bella up to the trees and they enjoyed some magnificent views. Edward the vampire shows himself in the sun!!! Turns out that he shimmers with gold dust-HELLO! turn into a wolf!!

Too perfect until..you realise, Edward couldn't make out with Bella cos he's drawn to her blood. And they stayed up the whole night talking? WOW! The biggest flaw in this perfection.

Anway I wanna watch Twilight TV SERIES so bring it on!!!!!!!!!!! (after Buffy the vampire slayer-this has got to be another good stuff).

By the way, maybe Fink could be a vampire sometimes..for a while..cos dating would be so fun!! And he'll be so rich! I wanna fly....

Cheyanne

Meng and Hui are at my age and they have got this baby!!! I don't know who reminded me but when i left for US, i said nobody is to get married without me!!! Asked him if what i said have made his stomach churn, he smiled and shrugged. Bet he didn't even remember me saying that. I still remember he seemed kinda distracted when they had their farewell party for me.

After a wholesome dinner at Vivocity, we went Demsey road to have a drink/wine, without the dad and Mum though, it was really comfortable talking gossip, anger/sadness/happiness and most of all philosphy with Ying/Darren/Mike. And now that Mike has got a car, it is simply AWESOME.

I just want to say again, thanks people for being there throughout the years, until today. We'll see to the days when we all have babies and push baby carts.