I finished FYP in mid May. Now its Sept. 4 months have passed attempting to find a path for Clarissa's future. On retrospect, I've lived so much for the future, I've yet again forgot to enjoy life. But still, I've to say life's better working than studying (which many of my peers agree with), its just that working needs almost full attendance (missing the days when i feel moody, I just skipped lessons). After all, once I finish work, I clear my mind to go home and watch TV (d 7pm and 9pm TCS show) which i've never done for many many years of my life. Silly to admit, but my desire when I was studying was to sit down and watch TV drama serials (which i could never afford the time for).
4yrs have passed slogging for the Hons that i've now (ok, wat is 4months right?). Ok, the first 2.5yrs was cheating becos i partied and socialised quite a lot. I also spent a lot of time on my chinese instrument. Half a year was spend on IA and dating the boyfriend. The last 1.5yrs was when I gathered all the concentration for the undesirable engine work. Given a chance to do it again, I will, but I will work hard from first year to build up on my foundations. In my 4th year, I grow to like engineering work. Yes i do. A pity I still have not develop the brains fully for it. But i say i'm able to think in abstract ways (see, you do not know what i'm talking abt). Which is to say, I can think randomly and force myself to link up the neurons for the random abstract information and make sense out of it (i know you still do not know what i'm saying). Gotcha, I smoked you, I'm still quite sillly.
And also quite nerdy. Recalling the fun times i had in school was with XT talking about our dates, our complains and our future envsions ( most of the time in the sch library), my hp ringing in lectures and the sotong me answering "Hello?" to the mum and the whole lecture group. Times with Mary and the rest in lectures were also quite funny. Actually school was a little dreadful having to handle so many subjects. There wasn't that much fun but more serious stuff where I learnt to deal with. Wk ends were burned doing tutorials. It was a mad rush against time - either you move fast or be left behind to handle the consequences.
Convocation was one of my best time in my life. Sleeping late is now not a sinful indulgence. Shopping in Bugis Junction, Junction 8, Jurong Point, Tiong Bahru Plaza etc is a need (I need to buy working clothes wat) and life's greatest pleasure. Life's good. But not without God.
Have been attending church regularly for the last few sundays. Daddy God is still the core of my life. I have been going alone. Having pulled off contacts with Campus Ministry (now its DARE?) and CGs due to schoolwork, I do feel a little emo at times, I mean they are people who like me, love and feel for God. I can see that all of us have grown up and matured. I wish we had shared the journeys with God together. Now that i've sort of overcomed my ordeal, I feel like I've lost what's most precious - the relationships with the people of God. At times, I still recall Weipeng treated me to some foods because my parents have not given me allowance (now, at 18yrs old, it means alot ok?). I saw Weipeng last wk, he grew so fat (faint).
I am able to return back to NTU CG, but since i'm starting work soon in some unknown organisations yet, I just put off the thought. Just wait till i know where i belong, I'll start finding my place in church. I hate to wait you know. I've waited 4months for a good job. But i guess its for a better outcome.