I'm gonna let go

I haven't blogged for 5months. You might not believe it but i forgot i have a blog. Some of my entries are really funny its a record of memorable times that i have had in my life - i don't recall those at all at this moment of my life.

It has also been about 5months that i broke up with Mike. I can't believe it - its been that long. Memories with him has been washed out a little, no doubt what i have with him has been beautiful and seem almost always indelible. But i wanna move on. I wanna see life in another light -I don't want Mike to be a hindrance for my liking of somebody else.

I recall the days when I would wake up with flashbacks of our everydays together. Initally I would tear and feel much pain cos i really want you to be around. I like being with you Mike - I was contented and happy. We were at Doylestown, King of Prussia, Philly, Georgia, N.&S. Carolina, Florida and NYC. I love playing the fresbie with you and you said you love to watch me smile and laugh; and that you would be that clown just to make me laugh. I was that little girl happy to make you food that you always never seem to not enjoy. Ben likes it too and I'm happy too. I enjoyed watching you make sumptious food for me (always ends with a dessert). Your cooking I don't miss that much except for your french toast. You used an incredible number of eggs but they taste excellent.

You taught me how to bowl and the last time i bowl excellent for a girl. The first time at a bowling alley you bought me a huge ice-cream at Cold Stone Creamery. It wasn't so much about that incredible ice-cream but that everything was light and funny and anything else fuzzy.

Halloween was cold but i had a sexy outfit - someone took our picture and cut off your head cos he was trying to take my boobs but you got too tall. Thanksgiving was the first time your brought me back home - you talked about football. I had fun with Ben and you on the ride there and back. I missed Christmas but Easter Day was fun - i painted Easter Eggs and saw Ben found Easter Chocolates at home. When your step mum, Rebecca got back she made some delicious, elegant cakes and foods. Your Dad couldn't stop talking and showing pictures of the trip they had. I gave Rebecca some pineapple tarts. I liked Rebecca I really want to spend some quality time with her i thought. I liked your mum even more, cos she knows you so well and treats you like a baby. I kinda feel we were on common ground cos' we both know how messy and disorganised you can get. We both laughed at you but we both loved you.

I have not met your boss but i have met some of your friends. When the 4 of us hang out, i love it when we exchanged looks just to smile at each other lovingly. You love that i respect you and I felt that you loved me.

I can't forget when you brought out the diamond necklace at Florida Disneyworld at the Italy world and tell me to stay with you. You have such a bad memory at everything - i didn't think you would remember to buy me the necklace. And to surprise me with it I was really touched and impressed with you. You then brought me over to the France world and bought me red wine and told me how your mum would buy you the same wine during that particular season only.

The time that I really got to know you was when we were apart. We had our almost daily phonecalls where we will update each other about our lives. You were in US I was in Singapore but we talked with you still being loving toward me. One time, you called me urgently cos you felt you couldn't breathe and had to go hospital. I tried to be there for you - sorry it got a little late.

I'm sorry i flew back to US and had you make a plan for us. I'm sorry I started throwing tantrums and had Ben side with me. I'm sorry I hated it when you smoke - you didn't used to smoke in front of me. I'm sorry I needed you to be there all the time when you had to work and do your online course too. I'm sorry I had to get back Singapore really quickly thereafter to start on my career. I'm sorry I have to be in Indonesia with bad reception. I'm sorry I knew this will happen but I had chose to start a relationship with you. I had loved you but all this has ended.

You were honest to me in this relationship. It was priceless, heartfelt and almost perfect. Once or twice, we had cold-wars. I had fun I had love and happiness but this is not everything. you are a worrisome baby. I hope everything would fall in place for you. I really want to tell you in person but i can't. Don't waste yourself. I'm not going to dwell anymore in the past I wanna embrace what is to come. And i'm going to let you go.